tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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