So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
