They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
