Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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