i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
