Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
