you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
