It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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