hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
