..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
