My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
