Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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