hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
