Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love having hate sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
