dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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