I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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