i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
