WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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