When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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