walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
