dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
