No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
