p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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