I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
