you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
