I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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