she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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