Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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