I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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