I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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