I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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