Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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