He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
