I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
