3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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