STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He shit in the fireplace
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
