last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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