I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
