I cockslap morals
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
