When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
