oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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