I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
