did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
