The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
