My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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