I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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