I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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