i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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