I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
