I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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