My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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