I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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