Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
