Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
