Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
