Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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