fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
