You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
