i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
