we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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